My first Cambodian birthday party, with Arn Chorn Pond

When I was invited to a birthday party last Thursday night, I knew this was something not to be missed. (I have been told that its only a matter of time before I am extended an invitation to a wedding, although for that I am still waiting.) The birthday party was for Arn Chorn Pond. If you don't know who Arn is, then you need to Google him immediately (seriously, run don't walk to your browser and plug in his name)! I had met him briefly the week before and knew very little about him. I knew he survived the Khmer Rouge, I knew he eventually was adopted by an American and moved to the US, I knew there is a movie documenting his life story, called The Flute Player, although I have not yet seen this movie. And, I knew that he founded CVCD, my partner organization in Cambodia.

This first thing I noticed about him, long before an introduction had been made, is the calm confidence he exudes. It is the sort of self-assurance I attribute to rock stars and other celebrities when you see them out of context, mixing with regular people as opposed to being on the stage or in the movie. Arn was an oasis of tranquility and quiescence amid a sea of energetic CVCD staff rushing around to prepare for the day. It only takes a moment of conversation to become captivated with Arn. He is warm and kind with an infectious smile. He lights up when he talks, which lights up the room around him.

Any excuse to witness a real Cambodian birthday event was enough for me. It only enhanced my anticipation to know it was for such an amazing individual. Of course, it would be unfair to say that Arn is a typical Cambodian. He lived in the US for about 20 years and still spends some of his time there. He is a product or both cultures, and I immediately recognized that portion which is western, as I was greeted with a hug, my first since being here. If you haven't been to SE Asia or Cambodia, let me just tell you that hugging does not happen between men and women. I have had long discussions with my co-workers on this topic and it is strictly reserved for spouses or family. Men can hug men and women can hug women, but that is where the line is drawn. (Some other time I'll discuss the perils of trying to hug a monk. Definitely do not do this as a woman!!) Culturally speaking - this has been the hardest difference for me to adapt to so far. I'm a hugger at home, a chronic toucher. It�s only a matter of time before I make some wildly inappropriate error along these lines.

Arn is a musician. He loves the arts and currently works to support and revitalize the Khmer arts community that was virtually destroyed by the Khmer Rouge. It should have been no surprise when we pulled up to his home, several kilometers out of Phnom Penh and down a dusty little road, to see (and hear) the wall of speakers. I suspect this is not present at every Cambodian birthday party. Getting out of the car, I detect some Eminem blaring from the sound system, and know I am going to enjoy this party.



I learned that Arn is not one to celebrate birthdays. Because his is essentially a date invented by his adopted father, he has never found it terribly meaningful. But, a good friend talked him into having a party, so he decided to spend it, in a way that only Arn could. He invited local teenagers, boys he said who were starting to get in trouble. He invited two women from the area who are very poor. In a country where poverty is widespread, being among the poorest of the poor is not an enviable position to be in. Arn did not want gifts, he just asked his guests to contribute money to the women in need. He made a video of them and showed it to us. He talked at length about the problems facing the country he loves and he told us about some of his projects, including bringing Sesame Street to Cambodia! (sadly - it still struggles to compete with Chinese Kung Fu movies and American WWF). He is willing to jump into a conversation about almost anything, including all of the political questions I want to ask. I get the sense he would rather focus on the future than rehash the history of his country, but he humors me anyhow, speaking thoughtfully on every subject I bring up, appeasing the political junkie within me. Considering his past, I am amazed at how little anger or bitterness he shows. He is passionate about the plight the poor and disenfranchised, but never disparages the rich and powerful. He seems unable to muster a bad word about anyone. If you didn�t know better, you might call him unrealistic, quixotic, or even Pollyanna. But, knowing only the slightest information about his past, you are aware that he has not been shielded from the harshest realities of this world. He simply believes in people. He has hope for the future. And, his hope gives me hope.
The party was essentially made up of our small group of westerners - various Americans affiliated with CVCD in some capacity- and the local teenagers. The speakers cranked out music all evening, and we danced, altering our routines between the very traditional Khmer style circle dancing that I still don't fully understand, and what I believe to be Cambodian techno-pop in which everyone was jumping around at frenetic western paces. Let me tell you - those kids were lighting up the dance floor!
It was definitely the best birthday party I've been to in Cambodia. And, not just because its also the only birthday party I've been to.