Bob Allen: I Cried Today for the First Time

I have been in Vietnam for five days and felt like crying every day. The War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh City heightened my sense of guilt and shame for a 30 year-old war. The pictures of death and destruction brought back dormant emotions I had long since thought I had put behind me. I refused to serve in the war, but have always felt that I could have done more to end the war sooner. Lives could have been saved. The graphic pictures of lost and damaged lives made me very sad, but I did not cry.

Traveling through the countryside from Hue to Dong Ha I saw bomb craters everywhere. Just outside Dong Ha we passed an area that had been completely denuded by Agent Orange. 30 years later there are still very few trees. Fertile farm land had been turned into a desert. In my lifetime this area will see little change.

This morning we toured the Vinh Moc tunnels were more than 200 people lived for more than 4 years as much as 75 feet below ground. The sign at the entrance to the museum read "To be or not to be" The choice was to remain alive and live below ground, or risk near certain death by continuing to live above ground in a spectacularly beautiful oceanside farming community. They choose life and no casualites were ever reported. 17 children were born there and lived the first years of their lives in darkness and fear. Still there were no tears.

This afternoon we visited a school founded by Clear Path in Dong Ha. The school serves about 375 students, in two shifts. 24 teachers work to help provide the opportunity for a better life. As we entered the gates we were literally surrounded by beautiful, smiling, cheerful faces. The joy I felt was indescribable. The welcome could not have been more heatfelt and came at just the right time. The children must know about the American war and have heard stories from parents and grand parents. They welcomed our group of Americans with open arms. There was no fear, no anger. I felt only love and joy and then I cried.

I began this trip with real anxiety about the how I would react to what I knew I would see. I expected tears of sadness and was given the gift of tears of joy. It has for me revived my belief that people and organizations like Clear Path can make a real difference in people's lives and that one day we may truly learn to live in peace.